My part in the jewellery heist of a night-time!
I was part of a gang of six robbers, who had successfully stolen millions of pounds worth of jewellery from a private bank in a jewellery heist. However, once outside the building, things started to go wrong. The police were waiting for us outside, and only two of us got away. As we were running down the road in the twilight, my co-robber, whom I didn’t know, or even know the name of, for security reasons, opened the door of a rundown, old pickup and shouted, “Get in!”
I was thinking that it was the worst getaway vehicle to be stolen in the history of stolen getaway vehicles, when he pulled the keys put of his pocket and fired it up.
I realised that it must have been his own personal mode of transport.
On turning the key, the cab filled with diesel exhaust as we pulled out into the slow-moving, evening stream of traffic.
“You’ll see, you’re going to experience the best getaway driving ever!” he shouted, his eyes gleaming at me wildly.
I looked at the crazy man and thought that even a reasonably fit person on a decent racing bicycle could keep up with us., but thought it better to say nothing.
He made a right turn into a leafy suburban avenue continuing to look left and right, until he made a sudden left swerve into someone’s drive.
“There’s bound to be a better car around the back!” he confided. Sure enough, there were three sporty-looking cars parked up there.
He put the pickup in the shade of a tree and we got out in a stealthy manner. As we crept towards the vehicles, four LEO’s jumped out from their hiding places brandishing submachine guns.
For those who don’t know, LEO’s are law enforcement officers from the notorious local Lion Protection Agency, who are recognisable by the lion logo on their jackets. They are the bane of local criminals’ lives.
The six of us froze into a sort of circle, 6m in diameter’ the four of them facing the two of us.
Suddenly, my my co-robber shouted, “Well done, lads! Well done! My colleague and I are from the Quality Assurance department at head office. You see, clients have been reporting irregularities… drinking, absence on duty, girls, partying… that sort of thing…’ He gingerly opened his jacket by a lapel with two fingers, and took out a yellow card.
“ID”, he whispered, putting it away again quickly. “We are not carrying”.
There was a slight ebb in tension, but their guns were still trained on us.
“There hasn’t been a complaint about this unit, and I can see why, but, well, you know how it is, we can’t appear to have favourites, can we?”
I was dumbfounded, but I could see that it was working… tension was decreasing.
“Are any of you in the Company Lodge yet?” he asked in an innocent way. “Well, don’t worry. If you keep up this high standard of work, you soon will be. Why, we’ll even put your names forward ourselves, won’t we Brother?” This was pushing it a bit, in my opinion, but I said ‘Without a doubt!” Then he shouted to me, “Go on Brother, show them the latest lodge dance! Don’t worry, it’ll be all right. Feel free to join in, my friends!”
I had no idea what he was talking about. However, after a moment’s thought, I put my hands on my hips and minced into the centre of the circle.
“Oh, oh, the Hokey Cokey”.
I repeated the chorus prancing backwards to my place and started forward again.
“Oh, oh, the Hokey Cokey…”
Surprisingly, the LEO’s put their weapons down, joined hands and started towards the centre singing along.
At this point , my co-robber, picked up a machine gun and pointed it at us dancers.
I was wondering whether my partner was about to double cross me in my first jewellery heist, or even shoot me, when I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a voice in my ear.
“Good morning! Sorry, Mr Jones, please wake up! It is time for your early morning medication…”
The Jewellery Heist by Owen Jones
Written at Sukhothai Hospital, Thailand. 25-7-22